and then some...

“Twinkle Twinkle Happy Birthday Grandma” by Atticus Max Jackson

Every morning I have to do this.

I almost just called the cops to tell them to go look at the asshole walking around town in a pair of shorts, combat boots and a BULLETPROOF VEST. But then I found out that he was just some guy who does that to stay in shape. Maybe he should try yoga or pilates instead.

French Toast w/loads of syrup and whipped cream

French Toast w/loads of syrup and whipped cream


Nice Things to Say

Me: Atticus, what are you doing?

Atticus: Don’t come in here, you can’t come in here, here is not for coming into.

Me: Did you poopy in your pants?

Atticus: Yes. Don’t come in here. You can’t come in here.

Me: Why didn’t you poopy in the potty, you could poopy in the potty?

Atticus: Why?

Me: Why, because poopy goes in the potty. 

Atticus: Don’t come in here, I don’t want you in here!  Go away.

Me: Hey, be nice.

Atticus: Please go away.  That’s a nice word, please, go away, I said. 

Veggie Chip, Cheese Whiz and Baco-Bits.  My new favorite snack.

Veggie Chip, Cheese Whiz and Baco-Bits.  My new favorite snack.


Another Picture from my friend Nicole: She’s a conceptual artist specializing in rearranging her dog’s poop to look like a happy face and then photographing it. Her work should be in galleries. 

Another Picture from my friend Nicole:

She’s a conceptual artist specializing in rearranging her dog’s poop to look like a happy face and then photographing it.

Her work should be in galleries. 


Caddyshack Moment: Atticus told me that he wanted to go poopy on the potty after he took a dump in the bathtub last night.  Sitting two feet away on the floor I pulled him out of the bathtub while he freaked out seeing his own feces floating around in the water like that candy bar scene in Caddyshack.  Atticus screaming, “I want to go poopy in the potty, I want to go to poopy on the potty.” Now for those of you who have never had to scoop a newly made shit out of bathtub full of toy dinosaurs here are a couple of key things to remember: 1. Speed.  You must act quickly before the poop breaks up into millions of little poops completely contaminating the bathtub. 2. Don’t use toilet paper.  The last time this happened, I grabbed a wad of TP and went for the poop.  The TP disintegrated in my hand leaving me holding mushy toilet paper now infused with poop. 3. Stay calm and try not breathe.  I dry-gagged last time, mostly because of the TP/Poop mix. This time I grabbed this bowl that we use to wash Atticus’s hair and scooped up the entire poop at once and tossed it into the toilet bowl.  I quickly let the water out of the bathtub and sprayed all the dinos with scolding hot water. Here is some random picture.

Caddyshack Moment:

Atticus told me that he wanted to go poopy on the potty after he took a dump in the bathtub last night.  Sitting two feet away on the floor I pulled him out of the bathtub while he freaked out seeing his own feces floating around in the water like that candy bar scene in Caddyshack.  Atticus screaming, “I want to go poopy in the potty, I want to go to poopy on the potty.”

Now for those of you who have never had to scoop a newly made shit out of bathtub full of toy dinosaurs here are a couple of key things to remember:

1. Speed.  You must act quickly before the poop breaks up into millions of little poops completely contaminating the bathtub.

2. Don’t use toilet paper.  The last time this happened, I grabbed a wad of TP and went for the poop.  The TP disintegrated in my hand leaving me holding mushy toilet paper now infused with poop.

3. Stay calm and try not breathe.  I dry-gagged last time, mostly because of the TP/Poop mix.

This time I grabbed this bowl that we use to wash Atticus’s hair and scooped up the entire poop at once and tossed it into the toilet bowl.  I quickly let the water out of the bathtub and sprayed all the dinos with scolding hot water.

Here is some random picture.


Go outside!

Perfume Smell like Kosher Dills

Could somebody call the coffee shop and tell them to tell the guy standing behind me that he needs to take a bath in tomato soup.  Why would anybody spray that shit on themselves and think that it smells good?  Maybe he’s just an asshole.